What is going on?!

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed at the minute with the news. I dread turning it on each day. So much death and destruction. Manchester and London attacks. Bombings in Tehran and yet more civilian deaths in Syrian fighting. Then add to that the awful fire in the flats in London. The pain I feel for the things these people are going through is nowhere near the pain they are experiencing. I can’t imagine what they are going through. 

It scares me to think that this is the world my child will live in and there is nothing I can do. I turn to God and ask why. I pray that things will get better. One positive is seeing how communities pull together at times like this. It really does bring out the best in people. But one thing gets to me. Where are the social media cries for solidarity with those in the middle east suffering war and persecution?  Where are there crowdfunding campaigns and hashtags? Where is the news updates about that? 

At times like this I hold on to my little girl just that bit tighter.  I try to busy myself so I can’t hear the constant thoughts of what these people must be feeling and their pain. I try to enjoy the small things be it my daughters laugh, smile, hugs, even her tantrums and teaching her that soil isn’t for eating.  

Inconsolable

These last few days have seen my beautiful and happy little girl turn into a screaming banshee at night (and sometimes the day when tired). Her screams are those of someone who is in such distress it is heartbreaking to hear. We’re on our 3rd night now of this and yet again the husband is out walking her in her pushchair as that’s one of the only ways to get her to sleep at the minute. 

Why is she screaming? There must be some explanation?! Not that we’ve found so far.  She is teething and may be developing an ear infection (seen the GP today) but when away from her room or hey duggee is on she seems to settle. She has been kept topped up on calpol. Maybe I should throw in some ibuprofen as well. But nothing else works. She wants holding but then she screams to be down,  you put her down then she screams to be held, she wants her dummy and then doesn’t want it, she wants a feed but then doesn’t. It’s exhausting and I don’t know why a screaming baby and no sleep isn’t deemed more of a torture technique because it’s breaking me. 

I’m left with so many questions and the worst part is that I can’t help her. I don’t know what she wants,  I don’t know what’s wrong, all I know is her cries hurt me as well as her and I really hope this phases passes soon. 

Who knew growing could hurt so much? 

This last week or so my beautiful baby girl is becoming more energetic then ever. She constantly wants to be on the move which is great. Along with this new energy usage she also seems to be having a growth spurt which has led to 2-3 hour naps in the day. (Nap time is great again). But the last day or so the time around these naps has become filled with a mostly whiny and cranky child who I don’t recognise as my usual smiley baby. 

Now don’t get me wrong, we all have our bad days and children are no different but it is EXHAUSTING looking after Beatrice in these moods. Yesterday we had our first family bank holiday since I’ve been back at work. We decided to have brunch out and decide our plans for the day then. Well Beatrice had other ideas. She was desperate to be out of the highchair and had great fun with a step (who knew?). But tears quickly ensued after falling on her face and no amount of distraction or cuddles were enough for her after that. A frustrated Ian just wanted to get home and so our grouchy day continued. 

Today started well and the food shop was successfully completed. But by the time we got home it was definitely lunch and then nap time. That was great. I got to catch up on tv but upon waking from her nap Beatrice screamed. And trying to go to the loo ended up with her sat on my knee screaming whilst I used the toilet. Never thought that would happen. So I gave up and settled for cuddles and despicable me (which she enjoyed). But the meany that I am took Beatrice for her 1 year immunisations and it was heartbreaking. It is horrible. Luckily I’ve got Calpol which seems to have settled her but by the time Ian got home I definitely needed a break. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be less tiring. 

Feels like holiday

At the moment the UK and probably other areas are going through a particularly hot and lovely spell of weather! And in a desperate bid to refrain from being British I don’t want to moan about it being too hot but I’m afraid I can’t. I’m calling it,  it’s too hot! In a weeks time when it’s back to being cold and wet I’ll wish it were like this again. So for future me I’m sorry I ruined it. 

At least being a stay at home mum means I’ve been able to enjoy the weather with Beatrice in the garden and it’s a joy. I may have gone overboard and bought her a swing and a water table the other day but she is loving them, although Ian has banned me from buying her anymore toys. Luckily she hasn’t discovered our pond so I don’t have to currently worry about her always going for it (and it would be fascinating as we have 2, foot long goldfish). 

Now although we have this lovely weather and a lot of toys currently the majority of our friendship group have disappeared off to France, which is somewhat a bit lonely as I see them most days. The good thing is it’s allowed Beatrice and I to spend more time with people we may not see as often which is great! Hopefully tomorrow we can have our own little vacation with our friends coming over and some company for the little one! It turns out mummy trying to read and sunbathe doesn’t lead to a pleasant afternoon for either of us! 

I hope everyone else is able to enjoy the weather and have their own mini vacation! Stay safe in the sun! 

One year old

I can’t believe it! My little baby is 1 year old! And I’m probably not alone in this but in my mummy heart, along with all the excitement, I had a little cry.  One of those stupid moments where my husband looks at me like I’m crazy whilst I mourn the loss of my little baby but rejoice in the independent and feisty little girl I’m raising. 

Anyone who knows me will know that I’m impatient, impulsive, and not impartial to the odd tantrum or two (play any games with me and your guaranteed a meltdown if I lose). My beautiful little girl seems to have picked these up along with my headstrong and determined ability to vocalise exactly what I do and don’t like. Now I’m not complaining about those last 2 as I want a confident daughter who looks after herself but there is nothing like a child to make you aware of your worst qualities. Let’s hope we’re both able to deal with these bad points effectively. 

But in this first year as a mother I have learned many things about myself. Here’s a few of them:

1) I deal a lot better with lack of sleep than I realised, although I do reach a breaking point at times. 

2) I have more patience than I ever thought possible! Mostly when it comes to food time (babies can be really trying! She’d rather eat soil than my homecooked food).

3) It’s possible to miss someone even when they are with you! She drives me crazy,  but I love her.

4) I’ll never go to the toilet alone again and that I can now pee in company (I was a nervous toilet user).

And 5) clothes shopping for a baby is addictive! (My husband hates this).

Lets hope that in this next year my little girl will learn: that shutting your fingers in draws is never a good idea and hurts,  to walk, to pass gently instead of throwing and keep on blossoming in every way!